an open letter to Justine Larbalestier, regarding her novel _Liar_

Warning: if you dislike spoilery type statements, don’t read this post. Also, if you don’t have a sense of humor, don’t read this post. If you don’t have a sense of humor, you should probably just stay far, far away from the internet, period. You’ll be happier that way.

Dear Ms. Larbalestier,

I am writing this letter to tell you how upset I am by the ending of Liar–how upset I am by the whole book, actually. You’re some kind of lazy writer, I’ll tell you what!

Let me explain. I am appalled that you did not spoon-feed me every answer about the main character and her story arc. Where were the soundtrack cues to let me know what emotions to feel at which points? Why don’t books have those yet? They are so useful in movies when the actors aren’t actually acting. Your book could have used some of that, to counterbalance all of the subtle interweaving and shifting of details. You know, a couple of measures of “wah wah wah” muted trumpet when Micah was lying? And some intense strings when she was being all truth-y?

OOh, and maybe some chapters from the POV of another character who could be all, “HERE IS WHEN MICAH LIED.” That would have helped me sleep easier at night, I’ll tell you what. If I knew Mr. Exposition had a chapter coming up, I would have been able to close your book and go to bed waaaay earlier than 2 a.m. Even when I did put it down, I still tossed and turned a lot, wondering WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON.

I think you can tell that I am pretty darn angry that you left me with so much work. How DARE you assume that I have the intelligence and emotional capacity to DRAW MY OWN CONCLUSIONS? I want answers and directions and absolutes! TELL ME WHAT TO THINK!

And why did you make the werewolves so, uh, wolf-y? Why didn’t you make them all hot and brooding and Byronic and, Dude, I’m a wolf, grrrr-owl? It’s worked for other writers, so why wasn’t it good enough for you? Just askin’.

Anyway. I hope you’ll consider these suggestions when you’re writing your next book, which I’d definitely read, especially if it has more werewolves in it…and maybe you could add some fallen angels? Or centaurs! Have you thought about centaurs? That would be hot.

With Painful, Wrenching Sincerity,

Miss Julie

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8 thoughts on “an open letter to Justine Larbalestier, regarding her novel _Liar_

  1. Dear Miss Julie,

    My abject apologies. I promise never to do it again. To ease your torment here’s what happened in Liar: the butler did it and she dies on the bus.

    However, I’m puzzled, what werewolves are you talking about?

    Warmest wishes,

    Justine

  2. Good to hear that some writers actually listen to their readers.

    Oh, and sorry about the werewolves comment; I was paging through the junior novelization of Teen Wolf Too while I was writing the letter, and must have gotten confused. I’ve also been drinking bathtub gin since All Saint’s Day and don’t really know where I am.

    But still– have you considered writing a novel about centaurs? Perhaps a historical romance…

  3. Liar just floated up to the top of my TBR pile! Thanks, ladies 🙂

    I’d better start doing some mental exercises… boy my brain is flabby after all those vampire novels.

  4. Dear Sir or Madam:

    I would like to offer for your consideration my book “Kicked in the Head by Love”, a historical romance featuring centaurs, the hot new heirs to werewolves and their oh-so-last-week cousins, vampires.

    The epic sweep encompassed by my novel dwarfs that of … well, The Catcher in the Rye, for example. The mood set by the brooding, socially maladjusted, seemingly emotionally vulnerable (but actually detached and unavailable because of several incidents in his childhood involving getting shod) main character is … I’m sorry, I’ve forgotten where this sentence was going.

    In conclusion, let me also say that I am quite versatile as a writer, and could easily change the centaurs to aliens or harpies at a moment’s notice, in case the centaur wave has already passed.

    Sincerely,
    A Real Writer
    (No, really)

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